Even though Yaniv is so unloved that the global name for a breakup letter, “Dear Jon,” is named after him, Dear Jon is back and looking for love, this time on Facebook dating. Let’s take a look at his profile together (Well, if I have to see it, so do you).
In all honesty, I didn’t even know where to start. I am not saying he is lying in his profile, but I believe we have found the cause of the worldwide wildfires because Yaniv’s pants are well and truly on fire here.
“Bubbly Flower” Text & Photo by AI
As you might have guessed, Jon’s dating profile was written by AI, as was his main photo. What’s the game plan here, John? You go meet up for your first date. Are 300lbs heavier than your profile picture shows and have a 5’oclock shadow? Also, what’s that about your BA? I thought you told everyone you were now a UBC Law student, or is this a lie? You can’t keep your story straight when everything is made up, can you?
It should also be noted that even AI hasn’t been able to hide the fact he is a man.
I’m not so sure about the “Bubbly Flower.” It’s more likely to be poison Ivy.
Surely, other than his face, weight, profession, degree studies, job and claimed womanhood, there are no other porkies in his dating profile. (I typed this before realising Jon is just a big porker).
Criminal Law Expert
I guess I can’t fault him for lying here; John is indeed an expert on Criminal Law, although, for the women he’s trying to date, it’s for all the wrong reasons. Also, I’ve mentioned before that he needs to give it up with Peanut Marketing. It’s dead; you have no clients. You are a pariah porker that even Greenpeace wouldn’t rescue. What do you think lying about it on your dating profile will accomplish? She’s going to find out you are an unemployed bum, may as well lean into it upfront.
Okay, so maybe we could let him have this one; between him and Mrs Yaniv, the 4th, they must know a lot about criminal law. I don’t think that being an expert in breaking the law counts.
Jon claims to have been a long-term employee of Telus.
Oooh! We know all about this, Jon! I heard from one of your coworkers from Telus that you were fired within a week because you were so bad at it. I also know you had alienated your team within hours of starting and pissed off several customers. It seems this thing that you claim is transphobia appears in every single job or role you have had. Have you ever thought that it might just be YOU? Also, you keep telling the courts you are profoundly deaf. Why would you get a job speaking on the phone? I think you might be lying about something here.
Jon is a homeowner.
Although this is “true,” he fails to mention that all his neighbours know it as the pigloo due partly to its smell. Like any other farmyard animal, we know Jon is proud of his pigsty. He is so proud he included these photos that raised a red flag and an entire army of red flags. Uhh, you know what? I’d rather not ask you why your bathroom door doesn’t have a handle on it (maybe the fire brigade knows from the many times you called them out to flash them). Also, most people usually clean their house and at least pretend not to live in a pigpen. I guess that’s too much effort for an unemployed bum to clean their place, though. Seriously, dude, taking the locks off the bathroom door to let you “accidentally” walk in on anyone gives huge rapey vibes.
What I also noticed is that Rexy is wearing a shock collar. WHY? We don’t hold much hope for you being decent to others, but putting a shock collar on a dog is SICK, SICK, SICK. Why don’t you do the decent thing and have him rehomed with a family who will walk him, care for him, love him, look after him & not assault him? I have to say though as far as dating profile pictures the lack of bathroom locks is just way out there on the block never mind swipe.
Jon sued his hairdresser.
One of his photos caught my eye. Not so much for him looking semi-human when he wears a mask (big improvement for us all), but it was taken 4 years ago, and a lot has changed since then, not just the extra 100 pounds. Well, Jon, you did get that cool haircut 4 years ago, I bet you wish you could get it again, but you pissed off everyone in the industry, and now you’re left with that greasy mop on your head. Suing people from not wanting to go near you will do that.
So that’s it. Jon goes dating. What do you think of his profile? Is it catfish or scatfish? Will you swipe right on this feral hog? Or, like everyone else, will you run screaming from the gender-fluid Jabba the Hut?
If you want to hear more about the insane world of Jessica Yaniv a.k.a Jessica Simpson look no further.